A Holey Vision

“What is it that I really like? Following that is a long process of self-excavation from being buried by what you’ve been told you should like.”

Jon Hassell, quoted in https://thequietus.com/interviews/jon-hassell/

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“At that time I had a tutor named Leonidas. It was this man’s habit, as a means of ‘thickening my bark’, to wake me an hour before dawn and march me down to the river, where I must strip and plunge in, in all weathers. I hated this. The Loudias at Pella is bone-numbing even in summer; in winter its depth of cold is indescribable. I tried every trick to duck these dousings. Eventually it came to me that, rather than endure them beneath compulsion, which rendered them doubly abhorrent, I would elect to do them on my own. I began arising before my tutor, getting the chore over with while he lay yet in bed. Leonidas was much gratified by this evolution of my character, while, for my own part, the ordeal had been rendered tolerable, now that I could tell myself it was my own idea.”

Steven Pressfield, The Virtues of War

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In my experience of reality there is no watertight, perfect, sealed experience or theory to the meaning of life.

When I hold up my worldviews to the light they are full of holes.

But the holes are beautiful, because it’s in the mystery where I can wonder and use my imagination to fill in the gaps.

My meaning and motivation is bespoke. It is one of the great realisations of my life that I am supposed to seek out meaning for myself.

No one else is responsible for it’s delivery.

I’m yet to find it. I’m still searching for the meaning of life. Still searching for the best way to spend my days.

But I know it is my decision to seek meaning.

I am not dismayed by the indifference of the universe.

I think the search might just be the meaning I am seeking.

What an experience: to seek, discover and refine my holey vision.

I like this very much.