“Mostly I was using whatever story I happened to have going at the time to get me through the day and give me some minimal sense of control and mastery. They were a secret source of sustenance. If I got a few good lines in the morning, that made the whole rest of the day better.”
– George Saunders, Author’s Note in CivilWarLand in Bad Decline
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“Man needs the conviction that he is doing something ‘worthwhile’, something ‘useful’, something that couldn’t be done by somebody else. This explains many disappointed hopes, many lives dedicated to a very small segment of human activity – and many breakdowns when this conviction is suddenly shaken. Man needs faith, not in a god – unless to be told that he is right – but faith in himself.”
– Georges Simenon, When I Was Old
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I want to believe in myself. Not as a guru or a great leader, but as a functioning and creative human being.
I need to feel the cool breeze of satisfaction. I crave the self-attention of writing.
I long to matter – to pursue something, even a little bit each day – that comes from my centre.
Whatever mood I wake up in, whatever burdens I feel weighing me down, my morning writing session can add a little corrective.
It is a reminder of my self worth.
I can function because I listen to my inner voice. For a few precious moments I attempt to be present with my thoughts.
In this time I dare to take myself seriously: I welcome honesty and earnestness.
Of course, I can choose to share much or little of these thoughts. There is no pressure to generate content or advice, nor great persuasive passages of instruction.
I am humbly submitting to a little self indulgence to keep me steady.
At core, writing is survival. It’s a levee built to hold back the swelling pressures of the outside world.
It is an attempt to keep the destructive forces of the world at bay. To avoid flooding my mind with the demands of others.
I seek to protect this precious loam, the topsoil of my imagination from which so much self satisfaction emerges.
It is such a minor thing to pick up a pen and write a few pages.
But so is taking a step. I don’t count my steps and neither do I count my pages. But I have faith that my pedestrian efforts will occasionally provide new vistas worth remembering.
Conversations With Quotations 