“I had never in my life wanted to convert anyone else to my own beliefs. It was enough for me to make them known and be able to do so in public.”

– Stefan Zweig, The World of Yesterday

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“Imagine a party. The guests, from all walks of life, are not negligible. They’ve been around: they’ve lived, suffered, own businesses, have real areas of expertise. They’re talking about things that interest them, giving and taking subtle correction. Certain submerged concerns are coming to the surface and—surprise, pleasant surprise—being confirmed and seconded and assuaged by other people who’ve been feeling the same way. Then a guy walks in with a megaphone.

He’s not the smartest person at the party, or the most experienced, or the most articulate. But he’s got that megaphone.

Say he starts talking about how much he loves early mornings in spring. What happens? Well, people turn to listen. It would be hard not to. It’s only polite. And soon, in their small groups, the guests may find themselves talking about early spring mornings. Or, more correctly, about the validity of Megaphone Guy’s ideas about early spring mornings. Some are agreeing with him, some disagreeing—but because he’s so loud, their conversations will begin to react to what he’s saying…

…These responses are predicated not on his intelligence, his unique experience of the world, his powers of contemplation, or his ability with language, but on the volume and omnipresence of his narrating voice.

His main characteristic is his dominance. He crowds the other voices out. His rhetoric becomes the central rhetoric because of its unavoidability.

In time, Megaphone Guy will ruin the party. The guests will stop believing in their value as guests, and come to see their main role as reactors-to-the-Guy…

…We consider speech to be the result of thought (we have a thought, then select a sentence with which to express it), but thought also results from speech (as we grope, in words, toward meaning, we discover what we think).

This yammering guy has, by forcibly putting his restricted language into the heads of the guests, affected the quality and coloration of the thoughts going on in there. He has, in effect, put an intelligence-ceiling on the party.”

– George Saunders, The Brain Dead Megaphone

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What I share and write here is a reflelection of how I see the world.

It will certainly be different by degrees to anyone else’s view.

Good.

I don’t want anyone else to think precisely as I do.

What a bore.

Not everyone will hear my voice.

Reading gives the power to the reader to amplify of minimise the message of the words.

There’s no sales pitch here.

I have no targets to hit.

You are not a captive audience.

I endeavour to keep the tone conversational.

No preaching and leaching your energy.

I simply want the freedom to share.

And for you: to have the freedom to ignore.

“Suggestion provokes imagination, and imagination builds reality.”

– Don Miguel Ruiz, The Toltec Art of Life and Death

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“SEE THAT SPACE BETWEEN THE PANELS? THAT’S WHAT COMICS AFICIONADOS HAVE NAMED “THE GUTTER.”

AND DESPITE ITS UNCEREMONIOUS TITLE, THE GUTTER PLAYS HOST TO MUCH OF THE MAGIC AND MYSTERY THAT ARE AT THE VERY HEART OF COMICS!

HERE IN THE LIMBO OF THE GUTTER, HUMAN IMAGINATION TAKES TWO SEPARATE IMAGES AND TRANSFORMS THEM INTO A SINGLE IDEA.

NOTHING IS SEEN BETWEEN THE TWO PANELS, BUT EXPERIENCE TELLS YOU SOMETHING MUST BE THERE!

COMICS PANELS FRACTURE BOTH TIME AND SPACE, OFFERING A JAGGED, STACCATO RHYTHM OF UNCONNECTED MOMENTS.

BUT CLOSURE ALLOWS US TO CONNECT THESE MOMENTS AND MENTALLY CONSTRUCT A CONTINUOUS, UNIFIED REALITY.”

– Scott McCloud, Understanding Comics

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A story must have space for the reader or viewer to use their imagination to fill in gaps.

Some mystery is needed to keep us engaged.

Just like those people we meet who quickly exhaust us with the minutia of their lives.

So do attempts by filmmakers to overstuff and overwhelm with backstory.

A prime example are the Star Wars prequels. I didn’t want to see where Darth Vader came from. I preferred his existence as a ready made and terrifying villain.

The original trilogy became less interesting as a result of this overabundance of information.

I liked the mystery of a character’s origins. It was an invitation for my imagination to take part.

Rewatching Blade Runner: it was the Final Cut, which reinstated a voiceoer removed from the Directors Cut – the version I grew up watching.

What makes the film so special to me is the lingering shots of the city soundtracked by Vangelis’ haunting score.

There is space to linger in. A world to be absorbed into.

In the Final Cut this was babbled over with pointless exposition.

This overwhelmed and filled the gutter.

I like a bit of mystery to a film. It is satisfying to make links. It rewards multiple viewings. I do not want to be told everything up front.

Give me a suggestion of a motive. A glimpse of a world. A limited perspective.

Isn’t this what we want from art? A curation based on someone else’s point of view?

If everyone else’s opinions are accommodated we descend into a crowd, where voices are only registered as decibels, rather than what they are designed for: conversations.

Gimme some space!

“You begin saving the world by saving one man at a time; all else is grandiose romanticism or politics.”

– Charles Bukowski, Women

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“Nobody has to meet Tennessee Williams; all you have to do is reread his work. Listening to what he has to say could save your life, too.”

– John Waters, Role Models

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To breathe in: inspiration.

To breathe out: exhalation.

CPR: to manually preserve intact brain function using artificial respiration.

In other words: to breathe out to help someone else breathe in.

A metaphor:

We breath in new ideas by reading (inspiration).

We breath out our new ideas by writing (exhalation).

Sometimes we need a little more help.

Reading CPR: to preserve brain function by breathing in another’s life force through words.

I mean a great book.

That rejuvenates us.

Gives us life.

We can also exhale and give someone else our life force through our writing.

We are all able to administer it. No formal training required.

But you owe it to the world to at least practice a little before you start trying it on others.

No harm in writing a sentence or two in private.

Then start sharing.

You might save a life.

“And you teeter to the edge of the precipice and as a human, just as the human animal that we are, you’ve got a decision. You either step back from the edge and let others take up the slack and do it for you and you follow, or you choose to leap. And you either will then slam into the bottom of the cliff and make a mess with your guts and your brains everywhere, or you will actually arrest your fall through a number of different mechanisms. Self-belief being the most important one.”

– Richard Taylor, on The Tim Ferriss Show #799

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“I had long since discovered I must jump off cliffs with a great substantial dream and build my wings on the way down. Passion, not intellect, won the day.”

– Ray Bradbury, Bradbury Speaks

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I start a blog post with no idea of what to write about.

But I have already leapt onto the page.

No one pushed me off the edge.

No one is watching my swift descent.

I chose this.

It’s exhilarating to feel this freedom.

Writing.

With no end in mind, but a need to fill the page.

Somehow my fingers keep tapping out words.

More are added.

I am making something here.

I feel a creeping sense of satisfaction.

I have achieved a haphazard kind of flight.

I believed in myself.

It was not a disaster.

Fear of gravity was overcome by curiosity of its effects.

No masterpiece was created.

The experience was all I needed.

I must remember this tomorrow.

When I approach the precipice.

I hope I am brave.

Because this great feeling requires daily renewal.

“Now, you can say that I’ve grown bitter but of this you may be sure
The rich have got their channels in the bedrooms of the poor
And there’s a mighty judgment coming, but I may be wrong
You see, you hear these funny voices in the Tower of Song.”

– Leonard Cohen, Tower of Song

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“We should treat our minds as innocent and ingenuous children whose guardians we are- be careful what objects and what subjects we thrust on their attention… Every thought that passes through the mind helps to wear and tear it, and to deepen the ruts, which, as in the streets of Pompeii, evince how much it has been used.”

– Henry David Thoreau, quoted in The Night Country by Loren Eiseley

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What we pay attention to we pay for.

There can be upfront costs, but often the real costs are hidden.

It’s better to pay attention to ourselves. My own thoughts are free to pluck.

And I try to curate my attention toward books.

They are relatively inexpensive.

They take effort for someone to produce.

I benefit from their careful editing.

A book does not bombard me.

I’ll never be a victim of doom scrolling a book. I’m either paying attention, turning the next page, or I simply put the book down.

The thoughts I read have civilised conversations with my own thoughts.

There is a community of ideas.

The more attention I pay to my own thoughts the wealthier my attention becomes.

I’d rather contribute to my own wealth fund than a strangers’.

And by buying books I contribute to the wealth of strangers that I have gotten to know and respect.

I practice conscious consumption.

Not all thoughts or ideas are my own.

But I try to have a tight rein on my attention so the ideas of others do not crowd my own.

I like the sound of my funny voices as they deepen the ruts of my mind.

“The recognition that I needed to train and discipline my character. Not to be sidetracked by my interest in rhetoric. Not to write treatises on abstract questions, or deliver moralizing little sermons, or compose imaginary descriptions of The Simple Life or The Man Who Lives Only for Others.”

– Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

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“Now as Pliny says, each man is a good education to himself, provided he has the capacity to spy on himself from close up. What I write here is not my teaching, but my study; it is not a lesson for others, but for me.”

– Michel de Montaigne, Of Practice

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I am going to try to write like Marcus Aurelius. I have modest goals: to write like a Roman Emperor.

I am going to try to write like Michel de Montaigne. Again, my modest emulation of a landed aristocrat.

How can I possibly be so bold?

Because they did not write from a point of status.

They wrote for themselves.

If I can remember that all the writing I do here is for me, a place to figure things out, I will do ok.

Marcus Aurelius did not have publication in mind.

There was no exercise in reframing his reputation as a thoughtful philosopher rather than an expansionist warrior.

He wrote for himself.

We are lucky that these thoughts were recorded. And more so because they were preserved.

But the power is in their self reflection. Writing as a companion for our lives.

It’s a reminder to get on with my days: the practicalities of work family and leisure.

A reminder that this writing isn’t the point of living, merely a necessary exercise in reflection and clarification.

My writing is fortunate in having a built in audience: me.

I make sure I read everything that I write.

Each sentence I get closer to knowing who I am.

My number one fan.

“Originality and individuality, in a trained mind, not corporate compliance will be essential to spiritual survival as Homo sapiens sapiens. For we are drifting, or being seduced, into another species: Homo inanis materialis.”

– Alan Garner, The Voice That Thunders

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“Even when you’ve paid enough
Been pulled apart
Or been held up
Every single memory of
The good or bad, faces of love
Don’t lose any sleep tonight
I’m sure everything will end up alright
You may win or lose

But to be yourself is all that you can do
To be yourself is all that you can do”

– Audioslave, Be Yourself

_________

As individuals we can make the world better.

Starting with our own microcosms.

If we can educate ourselves on our own originality then, perhaps, we can share it with the world.

Computers and AI do a better job of summarising and finding logical solutions and answers to our questions.

Perhaps our strategy should be illogical in a deeply personal way.

What grabs my attention?

Where does my unknowable mind take me?

What paths am I compelled to follow?

But it is hard not to worry about other’s perceptions of us.

The sensitive ego wants safety and protection.

Computers do not worry about perception.

How can I lean into my own interests and compulsions?

How can I feel less fear?

How can I become more human?

How can I become more valuable to other humans?

Where is this leading me?

Does it need a logical end?

Or is this merely the beginning of something else…

“It’s crucial to have a setup, so that, at any given moment, when you get an idea, you have the place and the tools to make it happen. If you don’t have a setup, there are many times when you get the inspiration, the idea, but you have no tools, no place to put it together. And the idea just sits there and festers. Over time, it will go away. You didn’t fulfill it—and that’s just a heartache.”

– David Lynch, Catching the Big Fish

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“The second condition: a fairly private space. In a house, a room, even a small one, where you can be with your book, where you can have that dialogue without anyone else in the room.”

– George Steiner, A Long Saturday

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Freedom.

Privacy.

Creativity.

A whole world in the small patch of desk on which I sit.

No more, no less.

I have such fantasies about having my own study: a desk with books and papers. A place in which to leave everything in specific disarray.

This is not realistic. It’s better to nurturer the dream through practice in this mobile creating space.

A small grab bag with everything I need. More often than not my writing equipment is simply my iPhone.

There is a crucial advantage I have found with writing on my iPhone: editing.

It’s low stakes. No formal pressure.

Editing on the fly. Dipping in and out.

Not a big pressure to get everything figured out all at once. 

Using snatches of time I can write.

No muses need be summoned.

None of this is created in declared writing time.

There’s no agenda and no external expectations.

It’s not precious time. In fact it is, but there is no need to broadcast that fact to the outside world.

Privacy is created within the space between the eye and the page or screen.

A superpower of attention, if you will.

A modest ability to create on the fly.

“You say you are a nameless man. You are not to your wife and to your child. You will not long remain so to your immediate colleagues if you can answer their simple questions when they come into your office. You are not nameless to me. Do not remain nameless to yourself—it is too sad a way to be. Know your place in the world and evaluate yourself fairly, not in terms of the naïve ideals of your own youth, nor in terms of what you erroneously imagine your teacher’s ideals are.”

– Richard Feynman, Letter to Koichi Mano, quoted in The Writer Who Stayed by William Zinsser

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“I discovered that if you really keep your eye peeled to it and your ears open, if you really pay attention to it, even such a limited and limiting life as the one I was living on Rupert Mountain opened up onto extraordinary vistas. Taking your children to school and kissing your wife goodbye. Eating lunch with a friend. Trying to do a decent day’s work. Hearing the rain patter against the window. There is no event so commonplace but that God is present within it, always hiddenly, always leaving you room to recognize him or not to recognize him, but all the more fascinatingly because of that, all the more compellingly and hauntingly…. If I were called upon to state in a few words the essence of everything I was trying to say both as a novelist and as a preacher, it would be something like this: Listen to your life. See it for the fathomless mystery that it is. In the boredom and pain of it no less than in the excitement and gladness: touch, taste, smell your way to the holy and hidden heart of it because in the last analysis all moments are key moments, and life itself is grace.”

– Frederick Buechner, Now and Then

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It’s been a couple of years since I gave up social media.

I have discovered more space to be myself

In turn, there is less opportunity for negative comparison with others.

I am more focused on the books I read.

I simply read more books.

And in books, I feel the authors want the best for me.

A book is like a conversation with a friend.

A social media post, a boast from someone in a noisy bar.

Books do not demand an immediate response.

Unless a quote speaks directly to something deep inside. Or converses with another author.

Like today.

Twenty four hours.

Two different books.

One message.

Gratitude for who I am.

Where I am.

Not who I think I should be.

“There is no right food and no wrong food; the food must only meet the appetite, the appetite find its kind of food.”

– James Hillman, The Soul’s Code

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“One of my great joys is going on a book-hunt. Finding a rare book I desperately want after a long search, acquiring it and carrying it home with me, is a symbolic equivalent of a hunt for prey.”

– Desmond Morris, The Nature of Happiness

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My eyes are bigger than my stomach.

I buy more books than I can read. But they are not perishable.

Unlike an overstocked fridge they can provide sustenance indefinitely.

Good ideas never grow stale.

I can gorge anytime.