“I am a writer who came from a sheltered life. A sheltered life can be a daring life as well. For all serious daring starts from within.”

– Eudora Welty, quoted in Traveleing Feast by Rick Bass

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“There are endless obstacles and impediments to finding the truth. You might never find it; it’s an elusive goal. But here’s something to remember. The world is out there- like an undiscovered continent. And it’s our job to go out and discover it.”

– Errol Morris, The Ashtray

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Adventure and discovery can take many forms.

Of course there is the swashbuckling cliche of the Victorian explorer, ready to be swallowed by an unexplored jungle or desert.

There are our modern, nuanced, adventurers who report from a rapidly changing and homogenised world.

I am an explorer in the Eudora Welty mold. I prefer to venture forth from the safety of my armchair. I explore books and counjor ideas without leaving the house.

I am an intellectual. Not because I believe I am particularly smart – my intellect is certainly not impressive. More because I am happiest amongst ideas. I range widely using my eyes, following the contours of my favoured maps – books!

I choose not to be idle. Although you could certainly mistake my current position as idle: sitting in an armchair, staring at my phone.

But my staring is productive. I am writing, discovering what I think, just as much as if I were stepping through novel places on terra firma.

I am not satisfied with a mind that is switched off.

I want to discover the world.

Fortunately, I can summon the world to my front door, choosing who I’d like to invite in.

A life of daring? Maybe.

But certainly a life of my choice.

“Making mistakes is part of being human. So why is everyone so resistant to it?

Chuildren learn by trying and failing. Then trying again. And then failing even harder. But children also live in a dream world of play, where mistakes have no consequences, nor are they burdened by the terror of self-consciousness.

So why shouldn’t adults do the same? Why shouldn’t we learn to play?

If you don’t feel like an idiot at least once a day, you need to work less and play more. Dumb errors force us to learn, progress and innovate.

Feel humiliated?

Get used to it.

If you’re not making mistakes. If you’re not regularly feeling stupid. If you don’t believe your ideas are inadequate. If no one is arching an eyebrow while slowly, condescendingly asking why on earth you’re doing this. If your ideas aren’t routinely mocked when shared with those who follow the rules.

You’re probably doing it wrong.”

– Erik Kessels, Failed It!

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“You will become clever through your mistakes.”

– German proverb, quoted in The Talent Code by Daniel Coyle

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I have always been scared of mistakes.

It’s easy to avoid them if you don’t try.

Not trying is remarkably easy. You don’t attempt anything challenging.

You can actually come across as quite sophisticated and intelligent if you’re never seen to fail. It’s safe. You can hide behind mediocrity.

So what is stopping me?

Fear.

How do you get past fear?

Not by avoiding it. Turn your back and try to walk away, it follows in lockstep behind.

Fear is only real if you can’t look it straight in the eye.

What if you turn around? Step forward toward that fear?

See that the fear cannot touch us when we are in action, only when we are immobile.

If you can get past the fear then you enter the world of mistakes. And mistakes have wonderful offspring called learning.

Can I allow myself to make mistakes? I hope I do here. But because I have fear of being seen, I have not invited anyone to come watch my stumbles.

Perhaps my writing is timid because of its lack of audience. Maybe I need to send out some invites.

What’s the worst that can happen?

Someone may laugh at my pratfalls.

But isn’t laughter the best medicine?

“You already know enough. So do I. It is not knowledge we lack. What is missing is the courage to understand what we know and to draw conclusions.”

– Sven Lindqvist, Exterminate All Brutes

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“Most of the people I meet have enough knowledge to fill nine lives. There has never been a book written that can tell you more than what you yourself have experienced.”

– Erling Kagge, Silence

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I know that I am guilty of indefinite research.

I read compulsively.

I probably use the stories of others to avoid the work of creating my own.

The quotes prompt my own reflections. Do I hide behind them?

Books can never tell me more about myself.

They can offer examples, models, tools to help my own self discovery.

But the real work begins when the book is put down, device switched off and hard truths are faced and tackled.

I’d love to have solid convictions and certainties about the world and my role in it.

But I struggle to a unified self.

Perhaps the books aren’t mere distractions but a necessary catalyst to help stegthen my sense of who I am.

“There is no right food and no wrong food; the food must only meet the appetite, the appetite find its kind of food.”

– James Hillman, The Soul’s Code

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“Knowing how one is wired is a necessary first step on any life journey. It doesn’t matter what you do with your life, as long as you are doing what is consistent with your nature and your aspirations.”

– Ray Dalio, Priciples

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How changeable are my moods?

Do I allow my sense of self to be swayed by others?

Do I feed myself with junk food information?

The path of least resistance?

Or do I forage for my own sustenance?

Pick out what has nutrition

Chew over the ideas.

Allow myself proper digestion?

Or do I rush from here to there consuming quickly heated morsels?

Do I grow fat around the middle of my mind?

Or do I maintain my fighting weight?

Books vs social media and everything else that is reactive.

A good idea lasts. It can be read today, tomorrow or next century it will endure.

What’s the rush to find the latest thing?

Surely what has been nutritious in the mind in the past will endure?

And I get to choose what is right for me.

It’s important to avoid the trap of demanding conformity from others.

We are all individuals.

I struggle to give advice.

Perhaps the most important is to figure out what works for you. A lifetime’s task for certain.

I know what I will be ordering. The same as ever. A book, with a generous side of writing.

“I have to remind myself that I have not the temperament of a scholar. I am not going to pile up carefully documented facts. If I can’t swing out with theories, hunches, and guesses I am lost.”

– Eric Hoffer, Working and Thinking on the Waterfront

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“Long before there was planning, there was improvising.”

– Patricia Ryan Madson, Improv Wisdom

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I could never be accused of meticulousness.

I am not one for spreadsheets or forecasting.

I do not have the patience for the collection of data.

I simply cannot plan my reading nor my writing.

It just happens. I follow my nose. I stay curious. I trust that there are an infinite number of interesting sentences to read.

I write on here whatever comes to mind.

I am inspired by the quotes and offer my response.

I am not poring over these words and worrying about perfection.

I write on the fly.

There are advantages of this no method as method.

Writing is never stressful. There is no obligation embedded in the practice.

Outside of the commitment to publish here every day, I am free to write as much or as little as I fancy.

I am not sure if these fragments add up to a whole, but it’s how I like to do things.

I leave my mind empty of rules.

I trust the work will get done by writing on the wing.

“Each day is a little life: every waking and rising a little birth, every fresh morning a little youth, every going to rest and sleep a little death,”

– Arthur Schopenhauer, quoted in Every Time I Find the Meaning of Life, They Change It by Daniel Klein

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“I’d escaped from prison almost two years before, but the fact of the fugitive life is that you have to keep on escaping, every day and every night.”

– Gregory David Roberts, Shantaram

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What does a day in the life look like?

A renewal, followed by discovery?

Or a dread replayed, never making a getaway?

I like the idea of a daily life.

Every twenty four hours the opportunity to begin again.

We get to choose what we carry from day to day and what is best to leave behind.

But some things that we would rather jettison cling to us.

Fears.

Compulsions.

Shames.

If only it were that simple to hit reset.

It takes practice to bring your best self forward into a new day.

And it is clear running never gets you very far. Give it a few hours and you have to stop running, lie down to rest and awake again in a state of pursuit.

What will it take to wake in a state of wonder and curiosity?

What do I have to do today to give myself the gift of a better tomorrow?

“Every person has a capacity for a certain degree of genius, through developing the power of concentrated and sustained attention.”

– J. Lowell Henderson, quoted in A Handful of Earth, a Handful of Sky by Lynell George

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“Attention is the rarest and purest form of generosity. Absolutely unmixed attention is prayer.”

– Simone Weil, quoted in EMBRACE FEARLESSLY THE BURNING WORLD: Essays by Barry Lopez

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I find it hard to pay attention.

Difficult to keep up with anything for an extended period of time.

A struggle to make plans, set goals or visualise the future.

I’m learning to pay attention to myself: my needs and dreams.

Writing every day is a practice of attention: what is on my mind? What is moving me.

The existence of this blog is growing evidence to refute my claims of a lack of focus.

I can sustain this practice!

Everyday I visit here to make an offering. I expect nothing in return, yet I receive all I need – the answered prayer of a creative life.

“Just because I’m losing
Doesn’t mean I’m lost
Doesn’t mean I will stop
Doesn’t mean I’m across”

– Coldplay, Lost!

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“And I found it rather strange, once the book was published, that folks on occasion would say, “But why did you write this book?” With some even asking, “Was it to find yourself?” As though, before the writing, I had been lost, which of course I was—and remained so after the book was accomplished, and am now, fourteen years later, and confidently expect to be for the remainder of my time. Lost, indeed! Don’t talk to me about finding yourself. Only as you are lost is there any hope for you.”

– Sterling Hayden, Wanderer

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When I first heard the Coldplay lyric, I thought it went, “just because I’m losing, doesn’t mean I’ve lost.” It was a fortifying lyric: whatever is getting me down, I’m still moving forward.

Of course, I’ve felt lost my whole life. It’s that half joking, “I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up” line that reflects that feeling of not quite being settled.

But if I’m still searching at least I am not stuck.

Stuck means stopped, unable (or unwilling to try) to move.

I might not know exactly where I should be, but I keep looking.

We can all avoid the hopelessness of being lost by staying curious.

Curiosity in motion.

“Every night I try myself by court martial to see if I have done anything effective during the day. I don’t mean just pawing the ground—anyone can go through the motions—but something really effective.”

– Winston Churchill, quoted in Stillness is the Key by Ryan Holiday

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“But it really does not matter what you are called, or where your work is placed, as long as it brings some kind of joy to some person someplace. To create something out of nothing is a wonderful experience. To take a blank piece of paper and draw characters that people love and worry about is extremely satisfying.”

Charles M. Schulz, My Life With Charlie Brown

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Success and effectiveness is personal.

Right now, success is posting a new blog post every single day.

It reflects my commitment to and joy of reading.

I love writing. I cannot stop.

I do not worry right now if I have an audience.

The success is in the doing, not the sharing.

“Probably the biggest lesson I have learned in my career is that my errors of omission have damaged me far more than any errors of commission.

What I have left undone, un-thought, and untried through selfdoubt have been incredible, missed opportunities. You are guaranteed a 100% failure rate if you never try. I have seldom been damaged much by the things I attempted to do or that didn’t go right.”

– Pen Densham, Riding the Alligator

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“You miss one hundred percent of the shots you don’t take.”

– Wayne Gretzky

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This blog post is not great.

I don’t have much to say today.

Fortunately I am piggy-backing on the shoulders of Pen and Wayne.

Their words have far more power than my own.

I haven’t missed the publication of my daily post.

I have tried, so cannot have failed.

I could have done better, but I have kept a promise to myself.

I have put in another rep to strengthen my resolve.

There’s no shame in not being perfect.