“I close my eyes
Only for a moment and the moment’s gone
All my dreams
Pass before my eyes with curiosity

Dust in the wind
All they are is dust in the wind.”

– Kansas, Dust in the Wind

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“There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all of time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and it will be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is nor how valuable nor how it compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open. You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work. You have to keep yourself open and aware to the urges that motivate you. Keep the channel open.”

– Martha Graham, quoted in Martha: The Life and Work of Martha Graham by Agnes de Mille

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Ideas do not need to be recorded in any particular way.

Always keep a pen and paper nearby, or your phone, anything where you might record a thought or insight.

You’ll be shocked to realize that things can disappear from your mind completely.

You might struggle to shake loose an unwanted earworm, but if you have an original thought, it is fragile – it will turn to dust if not immediately recognized and swept up into the safety of your notes.

Don’t worry about presentation. Editing is cheap.

It’s simple to organise your notes later.

What is expensive is originality.

Don’t squander the imagination.

Allow yourself to have a casual attitude toward composition.

Better written messily now than perfectly later.

There is no later.

“You are what your deep driving desire is; As your deep driving desire is, so is your will; As your will is so is your deed; As your deed is so is your destiny.”

– The Upanishads, quoted in Noble Purpose: The Joy of Living a Meaningful Life by William Damon

__________

“People are often corrupted by their desire for power or wealth. Has anyone ever been corrupted by their desire to be left alone?”

– Steve Aylett, Heart of the Original: Originality, Creativity, Individuality

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Who am I writing to?

Who is reading?

No one else? OK, so I must be talking to myself.

I have the desire to sit alone and write.

I fear that I am wasting my time in self indulgence.

Desire wins out, through my daily practice, but is kept in check by the fear of publishing something nonsensical.

Desire gets me up before dawn.

I begin before fear has had the chance to fully awaken.

Fear is lulled into submission by the pen’s movement.

When the writing stops I ask fear to step forward.

It plays an important role in editing – reminding me to carefully check my work.

Desire is happy to rabbit on in a twisty turny flow of enthusiasms.

This is necessary for the first draft.

But I need fear to read over those words and wince.

Fear can’t stand poor grammar.

Desire provides a task for fear to keep busy with.

I can write everything and anything I desire.

But choosing to share it means I have to do it right.

“February 12, 1992. No wonder I have this nagging sense of meaninglessness: I’m not writing. I’ve been noodling around with this ghost story, but it’s not enough. I was built to work every day, not just now and then.”

– Jordan Mechner, The Making of Prince of Persia

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“Well, you’re not going to get an epiphany every day. But sometimes you never get the epiphany unless you have some open space where your mind embodies that moving rest.”

– Jim Harrison, Conversations with Jim Harrison

__________

It’s hard to keep this commitment. Two days of empty space and I feel the joy of this regular practice slipping.

I must move beyond perfectionist thinking: I am not a genius who can reach deep and grab a pithy line or two every day.

I must rely on the more humble talents of commitment, routine and consistency.

Look, it is paying off. I have sat down to write and lo and behold, I’m writing!

I can never go wrong with picking up any book by Jim Harrison. He is an invigorator.

It’s important to discover, recognise and keep close at hand those writers who energise us.

I am not expected to do all this on my own.

But no one can hit ‘publish’ except me.

Even if I cannot find a fitting sentence to end things, it’s still valuable work.

A little intellectual movement in my day to keep the systems in check.

“It brutalizes these beautiful stomach linings as a wagon master abuses ponies; the plexus becomes inflamed; sparks shoot all the way up to the brain. From that moment on, everything becomes agitated. Ideas quick-march into motion like battalions of a grand army to its legendary fighting ground, and the battle rages. Memories charge in, bright flags on high; the cavalry of metaphor deploys with a magnificent gallop; the artillery of logic rushes up with clattering wagons and cartridges; on imagination’s orders, sharpshooters sight and fire; forms and shapes and characters rear up; the paper is spread with ink—for the nightly labour begins and ends with torrents of this black water, as a battle opens and concludes with black powder.”

– Honoré de Balzac, quoted in Page Fright: Foibles and Fetishes of Famous Writers by Harry Bruce

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“I think it depends on who is smoking it. It’s not for everyone. It’s medicine and if it’s not your medicine you shouldn’t make it so.”

– Willie Nelson, quoted in Interview: Willie Nelson by Nigel Farndale, Daily Telegraph

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I’m giving up coffee.

It doesn’t agree with me.

I am already down to a single morning cup.

But even that seems too much for me.

Coffee is lionized and mythologized in writing lore.

Balzac certainly seems enthralled by its creative effects, but it is often accompanied by the violence of over stimulation.

It’s a case of the romance of the idea clashing with the reality of my body.

Give me some herbal tea while I figure out my own regimen.

I wonder if one day I will read a description of coffee which will leave me as cold and lacking in craving as Willie describing his smoking.

But is coffee that bad?

I have just washed up my cup, which triggered the anticipation of tomorrow’s coffee.

I’m tempted.

Maybe I am not that resolute.

Do I need to be?

I reserve the right to hold no absolute views.

Perhaps I do need a little adventure in my life.

After all, medicine is all in the dosage.

“In meditation, the only equipment you really need is the will, and you can’t buy that through the mail.”

– Eknath Easwaran, How to Meditate

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“Sometimes, all I need is the air that I breathe
And to love you
All I need is the air that I breathe
Yes, to love you
All I need is the air that I breathe.”

– The Hollies, The Air That I Breathe (written by Mike Hazlewood / Albert Louis Hammond)

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All I need is the pen in my hand.

The will to write.

This comes from deep within.

No further equipment nor encouragement is needed.

Don’t need a fridge magnet or bumper sticker to encourage me.

No need to align myself with the universe.

No muse to be summoned.

But I do need to read books.

Learning how it has been done before.

Then have a go myself.

No better way to improve than through practice.

This is not a brag. My practice ain’t perfect.

More a friendly reminder to make do with what I’ve got.

All I need is the pen in my hand.

Because I love this.

“If you can privilege your own mind, your guiding spirit and your reverence for its powers, that should keep you clear of dramatics, of wailing and gnashing of teeth. You won’t need solitude—or a cast of thousands, either.”

– Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

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“Solitude is nearly a misnomer. To me, being alone means togetherness—the re-coming-together of me and nature, of me and being; the reuniting of me with all. For me, solitude especially means putting the parts of me back together—the unifying of myself whereby I see once again that the little things are little and the big things are big. I believe that solitude is a profound and needed act of self-love and self-appreciation.”

– Hugh Prather, Notes to Myself

__________

My habits of mind are centered on the personal: the survival and endurance of the self.

Whatever adversity I have faced in life, I’ve naturally cultivated a solution in solitude.

I’ve never felt much part of a community, nor sought recognition or solace within a group.

I think this derives from an embedded survival instinct of withdrawal.

This can also lead me to neglect responsibilities.

But through this practice of retreat, I endure.

It has served me quite well.

I’m here. Reasonably fit and healthy. Still thinking, writing, breathing, and curious.

I avoid burdening others with my troubles.

So I burden the page instead.

“We have less reason to be surprised or offended when we find others differ from us in opinions because we very often differ from ourselves.”

– Samuel Johnson, quoted in The Road to Character by David Brooks

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“It’s the process of making the art, the process of living itself, from which meaning, truth, and beauty are derived, not the product of that process. The product—whether it was a sandcastle, a painting, or an album—only offers an illusion of permanence. These too will eventually decompose and disappear, albeit on a different timeline. The art is always in the doing, not the memorializing.”

– Serj Tankian, Down with the System

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I’ll never get a tattoo.

I could not reconcile such public permanence with my feeling of constant change.

The things that are most meaningful, I like to keep close. I don’t wish for their uninhibited broadcast as I walk down the street or stretch out on the beach.

I am quite happy to be anonymous. I do not wish for my skin to pique someone’s attention.

I like to be in control of the disclosure of my innermost self.

I am not the canvas: I like projecting myself onto paper and screens. Then I have the freedom to delete or discard.

I prefer to make little piles of thoughts here, off to the side.

Very few people are interested in my opinion nor share my taste.

If you are, you know where to find me…

“Our stereotypical formula, “practice makes perfect” carries with it some subtle and serious problems. We think of practice as an activity done in a special context to prepare for performance or “the real thing.” But if we split practice from the real thing, neither one of them will be very real.”

– Stephen Nachmanovitch, Free Play

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“Ninety-nine per cent of the difference between successful innovative people and those who fail is commitment to self-improvement. The extraordinary amount of time and effort the successful put into developing their work amplifies their abilities. If someone is more successful than you, the chances are they work harder at self-development. Practice is important but it has to be good practice. Bad practice is thoughtlessly repeating something to perfect it. Good practice is putting time into imaginative improvement.”

– Rod Judkins, The Art of Creative Thinking

__________

I can only guarantee that my writing is evidence of practice, not progress.

I don’t write every day with pressure of improvement in mind.

I do not click a stopwatch or stretch out a measuring tape.

My sessions don’t conclude with a pep talk about performance.

The writing happens, or it doesn’t.

What I take responsibility for and measure is the commitment to the practice.

Something may come out of a writing session, or not, but the practice remains, continues, is.

Because I am practicing there is every chance I write something of interest.

By asking my imagination to connect with my pen, I reinforce those bonds, perhaps a nudge closer to being in sync.

Or not.

I turn up anyway. Try my best. Then go home.

“You have to use your imagination to invent something better than life because life itself is dull and prosaic.”

– Erskine Caldwell, quoted in Page Fright: Foibles and Fetishes of Famous Writers by Harry Bruce

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“Fantasy has been the stuff of my life. I want to be moved and grooved and taken where I’ve never been before.”

Harry Crews, Florida Frenzy

__________

I lack the spark of inspiration today.

Not going to force things.

Happily there is a bounty of great stuff from others to hide behind.

Today is not a day for effort.

If I try to push things and make attempts at appearing wise, I’ll be a fool.

Better to keep moving along.

There’s always tomorrow.

“A wizard is never late, Frodo Baggins. Nor is he early, he arrives precisely when he means to.”

– Gandalf, The Fellowship of the Ring (Screenplay by Fran Walsh, Philippa Boyens, Peter Jackson, based on the book by J.R.R. Tolkien)

__________

“In any truly significant conversation with a person or reading of a book, the intensity of the first dawning of ideas scours the memory like the ground zero of an explosion.”

– Peter Brown, Journeys of the Mind

__________

Today doesn’t feel particularly auspicious.

There’s no breakthrough or revelation leaping from the page.

I’m still doing all the mental and physical things needed to write something significant.

Significance can come about through the same action as mediocrity.

I cannot control or command significance to emerge; I must worship at the page, get down on my knees and write.

If significance chooses to visit, I’m ready to record every word like a dedicated disciple at his master’s feet.

I wait for tidbits.

Like Plato recording Socrates, I capture what the great teacher tells me.

I don’t know when he will arrive; he keeps to his own schedule: just like Gandalf, significance is never late or early.

When the idea emerges, I leap to action, pen in hand, ready to record, my mind ever so slightly altered.

Silently, patiently, loyally, I wait for the sign.